I HAD TO SHARE THESE… AAAAH! NOBLE! NOW SIT BACK AND IMAGINE CARTMAN’S VOICE WHILE READING…
Cartman: It does email and web browsing and s**ts in Kyle’s mouth? This is the greatest thing ever invented
Cartman: Well, hearing you bitch about your dad is super interesting, Stan. I hope you do it all lunch period.
Cartman: Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000
Cartman:: You know the feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up your ass?
Stan:: What does ‘fingerbang’ mean, anyway?
Cartman:: I saw it on HBO. I think it’s when you pretend to use your finger like it’s a gun or something.
Stan:: Kenny says that’s not what it means.
Cartman:: All right. Kenny. What does it mean?
Cartman:: Ugh. That’s sick. Why the hell would anyone want to do that?
Eric Cartman: [singing] I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.
Mr. Garrison: Who knows what a can food drive is?
Eric Cartman: Isn’t that where they cut open a chick’s stomach to get the baby out?
Mr. Garrison: No that’s a caesarian section, Eric, but remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.